Monday, January 30, 2012

And so life moves on...

It's been a roller coaster of activities and emotions here. With weekly trips to Lancaster to help care for an elderly aunt, life takes on a new perspective - the reality of dying. I could write an entire blog post on the lessons I've learned in the last few weeks. And then there is the driving - how do you make 6 hrs in the car profitable over and over again? Note to self - It is not the stops at the outlet mall! Some of the time is redeemed just in giving comfort to my aunt. She said through tears - this is such a waste of time for you, to which I replied - does it bring you comfort? why of course she responded, then, I said, my time has been well spent.
My father and my aunt as children

Then there is the challenge of losing weight and how to make lifestyle changes when your world is not in control. The sad thing is I have done this SO MANY times and yet it is all new every time. What I want to do and what I do are always two different things. And time is so elusive. It really is best to take one day at a time - but so hard to do it.
And then we have the move. After weeks of looking at places from the road we decided it was time to go out with a realtor and look at the two we had narrowed the field down to up close. Then the reality of packing up 14 years of life (the longest we've lived anywhere) and making a new home hit me and I grieved for several days like I did not expect to have happen - the anger, the fear, grieving the death of a dream takes it toll just like the death of a loved one. You may think I am being melodramatic and I was definitely being selfish but I had a different plan in mind than the one we are following. A different plan for life, a different plan for work, a different plan for just about everything and now it is all going to be packed up in boxes and starting over in a strange place where the plan is not yet defined or even recognizable. I am so thankful to have a constant reliable God who sees me through the challenges of life.
John and I had the chance to spend a few days away this weekend. We needed to escape and he had a groupon from Christmas with an overnight at a very nice place in DE. I had also found leftover gift cards that were close to expiring (almost $200) - he drives me nuts leaving things lay around and then of course the loose change that we banked earlier in the month so we had a very luxurious but thrifty overnight. We stopped in the Inner Harbor in Baltimore - it was a lovely day and had a delicious crab lunch at Phillips Seafood - and it was Restaurant week in Bmore so we got a great deal at a very popular restaurant. It was good to talk out things and have a good cry (me) and then talk out things some more - all away from home and work. He convinced me that in spite of the changes we are facing - and the work it will entail - I still have time for me. So he put a new dream in me and I think I can move on in a more positive spirit than I had a few days ago.
So not the cheeriest blog post ever but just laying out what is on my heart and mind. I've been cleaning out and organizing my craft work room in anticipation of packing it up and I came across a bag of treasures from the beach a few years ago. Shells and seaweed and driftwood - all pieces I had a project in mind for so I traveled memory lane and enjoyed touching and feeling a peace of the sea. And all that cleaning and organizing means I can see my floor AND I can find the things I want to work on! So perhaps I'll have something interesting to share next time